Dairy

2007-07-16T12:07:00.000+08:00

Hmm.... Saturday was a drag...

As usual Ken and Hon bunk over at my "palace"(Muahahah)....

I got a pair of tickets to harry potter at Suntec 6.30 that day(Saturday), therefore I asked a girl out for a date... all seems well until she told me she got something on....

Then I went to scroll down my list of friends and did some cold calls to female friends (I have not been for a date for a long time, in fact I did not went for a normal date before)....

However, I got rejected until I was numb... There isn't any female friends whom I can go out with alone... Perhaps it was too last min, or perhaps I am just so not impt for them to accompany me...

So I asked Ken to accompany me...*Resulting in an arguement btw him and his girl* Opps =X
My buds are still the best! Cheers to Hons and Ken. My bad!

This is so contridicting. I look like that type of guys who can get alot of girls to go out with me, however reality really hits me down hard, the truth is that I may not look like what you guys thought that I was. *Never judge a book by it's cover*

I should strive for my goals... I am so not gonna give up... I have been telling myself... Do not be affected by all those BGR thing *Se zi tuo shang yi ba dao*

*Every morning I use my tears to wash up*
*Every night I would fill my blood in my cup*
*Every feelings that goes within my innocent mind*
*Love was the only one who turned my blind*

2007-05-29T15:16:00.000+08:00

I am feeling so down now... I've got nothing to do...I've got nothing to look forward to...I kinda miss her...n her friends...

Felt like a loser again...I think I met my dream girl...

A few things on my mind now:
-I feeling fat...I need to cut down on my weight
-I want to join competition...I really want to make it out there in the entertainment line... I'll give it what ever I can
-Where is my fate...
-I need money...

I am broke now and I have no money for the rest of the months till NS...

SHit I think I shld go down and excercise...

2007-05-02T17:46:00.000+08:00

I don't understand myself... I hate myself for being who I am... I want to change...

I thought that I had it all...everything was building up nicely...one moment it was sunny, yet another moment it turned all greyish... WTF

I really hope I die in Taiwan...Dun grieve for me! Not worth it

2007-04-20T11:43:00.000+08:00

I am so freaking broed in the office....

I dunno why ytd I was so fed up with everything... Sorry guys....Maybe I wasn't at a right mind/ mayb it's just lack of sleep....

I am such a nobody... But I want to be a somebody...!!

I am just so freaking jealous...(I'm very easily jealous)...

Can't wait for that letter man... everyone else has recieved their notifcation of when they are goin into NS...

I wan to hurry end it...so that I could work full-time early...

But I have a weird thinking lately..thinking of signing on to air force... reason being I kinda noe that I wun make it big in the corporate world...

I want to be fit... Not more ciggs...less on drinking... and nothing to do with drugs!!! No more gentleman for me though, girls are a must...So I want to be a magnet to attract them!

I am so looking forward for taiwan...

7th May...BTW I would like to organise a gathering within the first week of May...For my bday!!

2007-03-27T12:14:00.000+08:00

Man oh Man....

I felt like a freaking loser...I can't do my job well...I can't seem to manage my deadlines well!thus causing people tostay back because of me....

The more I stay here The more I feel like I am a liability....F-ed How far will I go?

Bear with it?
Till when?....How long can I go!? Does endurance pay off?....

I looked myself in the mirror...And I thought, Who's this?...Why doesn't he do anything right?...

Does this field suit me? Or rather do I even have the quality to work in this field... Sorry for those I have implicate...

Bless you as I wun implicate you all anymore!.... Freaking scary!

2007-03-16T23:19:00.000+08:00

damn damn damn...everything is so NOT going smoothly at work...

SKY wake up!!!

2007-03-15T21:43:00.000+08:00

I suddenly felt the urge to key in these data...

I used to think that this world is full of good people...everyone will treat everyone nice ....But sad to say my thinking was crashed....

I used to think that working almost 3 years in a Food & Beverage industry I would be a lil experience in handling people...But my thinking was crashed...

I used to think the comment about me being good looking was true...But my thinking was crashed.

I used to think that I might like guys one day...But my thinking was crashed (Hahaha..lucky it did not happen)

I'm still green...lot to learn...I told myself maybe after this I will be better and able to handle more genre of people....

However I think that it's good....better to learn it now den when I am 40...by the time I will be so hard and stiff....

Still aiming for my powerboat liscene...failed twice....

Happy man for now (I hope the feeling stays)....*please its not because I have a girl therefore I am happy...

I know you were thinking of it....Smelt that coming...

Cheers!

2007-03-13T22:03:00.000+08:00

I'm so fascinate by TMNT cool man!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Heroes in a half-shell
Turtle power!

They're the world's most fearsome fighting team (We're really hip!)
They're heroes in a half-shell and they're green (Hey - get a grip!)
When the evil Shredder attacks
These Turtle boys don't cut him no slack!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Splinter taught them to be ninja teens (He's a radical rat!)
Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines (That's a fact, Jack!)
Raphael is cool but crude (Gimme a break!)
Michaelangelo is a party dude (Party!)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Heroes in a half shell
Turtle power!

2007-03-10T03:02:00.000+08:00

Hmm I think these few days will be really the down period for me...

Work not going smoothly, running outta loot....Wisdom just grew at the wrong time...

I wanted to shout out help....perhaps my pride covered my mouth....

I am lost....I can't seem to take the pressure and yet...I need the loot ....

Aims are lost within split seconds...

I gotta be organise...but where do I start??? its been my prob all the while...not that I don't want to but I don't know where to start from....

But I feel contridictive these days... My actions doesn't speak my mind...!!!

Does having a girl in my life help?? Nope
Having money helps??perhaps...

What I need is a chance to work on my dream?? But I fear that the risk I will take will be so big that if I fail, then I will be better off dead...

perhaps you would say you dun understand what I am talking/writing about... But who cares....

enough of routing!!!

I need a new pair of shoes... I want to do manicure...Have a new hairdo...

I sound gay? Its metro! I want my looks... I want my clothes and I love looking nice...

I need a holiday!!!get outta here But all of the above need $$....

FIT FIT FIT FIT!!!!

2007-02-24T01:39:00.000+08:00

hmmm thks for staying on...

S thinks that its about time to forget about M and move on with life.
So S carry on and focus on M...But it seems that S has indirectly became the 3rd-party (WTF)...What a dilema...!

S was doing fine one day until C told him that she gotta settle some stuff with her guy...S waited....and waited and waited...

S called C but no reply, until C said she is still settling with her guy....

At this moment, S gave up...(But can he?Its been almost a year since he had been single and now you gotta take his new love away?Cruelty at work?Well that's life!)

Friends around S told him, "Aiyah, dun be so playful, find a serious one and settle liao lar..."
S thought in his mind:"TMD! Not as if I am not finding one seriously...Did I really set my expectations too high?"

S is lost! probably he deserves to stay single.... S is sad but he don't want to show...

He will leave...One...day.....

Stay Tune....

Life story Love

2007-01-17T00:06:00.000+08:00

1 year ago, S met M, they fell for each other and got together.
However, they broke up within 1 mth plus.
These 1 year, S hated himself for forsaking M.
However, 9 mths after S and M broke up, S met C. At first, S thought that they were just simple friends. Feelings grew over time, but S can't forget M.
One night, S messaged M that she was missed, however the reply was negative.

S thought: Hmm maybe I should go for C...
However, C replied saying that she fell for S but she still misses her ex.

S was devastated.
S thought: Does my ex still misses me when I break with them? How about M?
Why does C misses her ex?...

S felt like a loser...completely torn...Everything seems so strange.

How will S cope?

Please stay tune

2006-11-27T17:01:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to feel lonely...Looking at friends being attach and break and attach again.I want to be in love yet I dun think i can commit my love...

I'm so vex over it. I need a relationship badly, Its like drugs...sometimes it perks me up sometimes it make me feel disgusted...

I wanna be in a R/S again...

SOBSZZZZ

2006-10-12T22:47:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I just dun understand how people feel or do things....

how can one allow they friends or things happening around them to affect their mood/ performance...

I just don't know of such acts...

I am beginning to feel weird...Most people around me are like that...but I am not...

sometimes i will think that why can't they just be like me...or maybe I do not have friends who confide in me so much that thye allow their mood to affect mine...

time flies and soon we are going for intership...I would love to get out of poly and enjoy "real life" but I definitely miss my this class of mine...

Our class is unique so much so that there isn't a single word to describe them...maybe there is...ROJAK

our class is a mix of every type of personalities...where extreme ends meets...light meet dark...tall meet short... round meet flat...!!muahahha

but sad to say there isn;t enough memories for me to build on to miss them as much as a class...

But I will definitely miss each as individuals...we fought...bite each other to almost death...hate eahc other yet care for one another...we bite each other but also watch out that we don't bite them to death... WE bit to near death...!!

I've grow...but One thing.... Dun Trust Anyone...because anyone and everyone will betray you one final day..!!!

Yoz...

2006-10-02T12:46:00.000+08:00

been a long time since i have blogged!!!yo yo yo....how's life for me..?I'm goin to take power boat license soon!!! muhahaha

so tiring...ppt haiz... =P whooo

internship soon!!!!fun fun fun muahahha

Devasted

2006-09-16T23:56:00.000+08:00

Either I am very weird or the surrounding people are unsual....

I dun find myself very sutting to thie world...My brain is bursting...Depress over nothing.. symptoms and f-ed up

2006-08-20T23:37:00.000+08:00

never had I felt so f-ed before...

why am I doing so much when my pay is all the time the same... WTF....

Shall No longer care in the kisok....just do my job and care not....

Being the most senior staff sux...responsibilities just keep on adding while the $ is the same...and I dun even feel that I am heard...

No one listen to me...those who do thinks that I'm slacking by asking them to do everything....

FUCKED UP......

Shall speak nothing else more....Keep Quiet!!!From now...

National DAY!!!

2006-08-09T12:23:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday singapore!!!!I hope that the future will be more peaceful and stronger nation as we go on...

I have the honour to invite the "Power Rangers" to attend the parade...

Rangers "STAND ATTENTION"....

celebrate the day!!!

State Of lost

2006-07-25T02:50:00.000+08:00

Hmm Sunday I rot at home; savouring every single rambutans my bro had brought back from my aunty....

However, it was a stupidest move I had made, cos I felt a series of unfortunate illness upcoming...

Monday came but I jsut couldn't get out of bed...so i phone cow to help me print out my individual journal....

I was suppose to help adelene for her photo shoot but I am very sorry...I was too sick to go to sch...

I was kinda depress because I felt that I'm wasting time at home because of the food poisoning...

Depression stopped whe I heard news that our ICM CA2 had 83%....estactic I am...

and soon enough the news of being the top 6 came to my doorsteps...I was practically overjoyed... but it means more work....

haiz I just cant describe my feelings now....physically I'm very weak and super tired, Mentally I'm stress about my own Photo shoot for CDA but emotionally I'm so jubilant about the TOP 6 for ICM....

my point of mixture of feelings....hehhe

2006-07-23T09:08:00.000+08:00

Been a long time since i've blogged

Have been very busy lately and I wonder when will this ehctic sch life end..
I want to take on my power boat license yar but first gotta do some medical checkup...

I came across this song "scandal" by kang ta and vaness, it was nice, very hip=hop

however when i thought of Kang Ta, H.O.T. came to my mind

P.s. H.O.T. stands for Highfive Of Teenager

there fore I wen to search for all H.O.T.'s songs and I've found all their albums, Korean Hip-Hop

I just wish that they have not disband... I got in contact with korean songs when I was in secondary school...

those were the times of rebellious hahaha so fun....thinking back and I read YingYi's blog( she also mention about secondary school)....it makes me thought about mine....

how i wish i could like go back to secondary school and do something more impactful for me to rmb.... I guess the only thing which left a deep impression is the talentime which Kient tat, Neo, Hui Hua, christie and me won first in the dancing category

I'm still finding what am I good at and den I will invest my $$ and time into it...so that i could make a profession outta it...

I wanna be a superstar...

2006-07-16T23:11:00.000+08:00

Went to watch movie with bro haha clementi s$7 for sunday haha ok lar seats haha still the same haha shitty

2006-07-16T02:16:00.000+08:00

I wann=a go to the Wu Bai and Zhang Zhen Yue's concert held at expo...

http://www.sistic.com.sg/eportal/booking/RetrievePriceChartAction.do?txtEventCode=emax020906&txtContentCode=wu0906

here's the link for the information ...

Anyone want to do with me please...Leave a msg on my tagboard ok.. thks

2006-07-13T00:50:00.000+08:00

Worked and worked...Yeah I got a new watch.... haha Happy....

Very Indeed....

Love

2006-07-12T00:32:00.000+08:00

I've beginning to like myself more and more I wonder if that's good or just plainly vain

Like the way I look...I dunno if ppl like the way I carry myself...

Do I look snoobish?....trying to Act cool...or just a typical Chao Ah beng....

tell me...Your comments I hold In high regards...Low and behold My great and not-so Great friends...

I am growing rounder each day and my pocket growing thinner

I cant find my waist....Can't even see my toes ....Godness My...I forsee the shape I will be In....

08062006

2006-07-09T00:20:00.000+08:00

Hmm..TOday was neo's bday..never got anything for him though cos i no $$ and i dun wanan give him like cheap stuff...so i owe u one neo...

after that went for bbq at robyn's hse haha i nv step into her hse before ...wow...It's damn huge and i mean huge.... haha i am so SK i noe...

had a great time there...although all was anticipating neo's arrival but in the end he nv....cos It's late

Bro its ok at least i understand...no worries...We had so much fun...

It's kinda funny when we haven meet for a long time and we were lost for words...

some of us were like very close last time but now like got nuthin to talk about..vice-versa.....

everything changes , everyone changes... one thing that doesn't change is about the fact that the is always changing....

Feelings too changes...but my feelings remains...

haha =P

2006-07-07T23:05:00.000+08:00

Just Caught The First episode of the ghost whisperer and found it quite good.. rated 3.5/5

yeah...just ended my internet crisis...Been so broke recently...and yet i worked so less...probably that's one disadvantage when you have to settle your Finaly Year project

well.. thats all not much things to update...

Single still....

2006-06-14T03:05:00.000+08:00

Shit !!!Internet connection DOWN>>>!!!!!

I nid $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

2006-06-08T19:12:00.000+08:00

ytd i was at esplanade... came across a beatbox sound...

Went to watched it...as i waked nearer to the voice/ sound...i saw a man in 20-30s sitting down at the chair talking about music...

I am so damn attracted to his technic of playing songs instrumental and beatbox...
that guys introduced himself as Peter Huang...and is releasing his album next month...

he played nice songs from different bands...people might think that the music is played by instruments like drums guitar blah blah...but he went on and explained that the songs are actually acapella...damn cool can't even tell the difference

I'm so amazed by music

2006-06-04T23:40:00.000+08:00

haiz mmade a wasted trip to changi airport hoping that the last A&W restaruant is there...TMD....

WHere is A&W my fav spot, where it lies my childhood memories...

just came back fmr work. and realise that hmm got new ppl frm the other stall they are frm vietnam..1 week plus nv come back to work and realise that the environment had changed so much....

An environment that use to be so happening now became quiet...silence...

welll in any case., who cares..I'm not gonna stay there for long....well u see I had stay there for 2 years plus

2 years plus before i was paid $5/ hr...now I'm paid $5 per hour...

talking about welfare...where is it I dun see any....

2006-05-29T18:30:00.000+08:00

Dinner outing with Family!!....hehe

Hmm good or hahaha

2006-05-29T18:18:00.000+08:00

DEAD!!!

2006-05-27T17:51:00.000+08:00

One word to describe me...Lonely....

Yeah... Loneliness had invaded me... throughout ....thoroughly cleanse my body....with the disease loneliness...

I am fear it may lead to depression and in the end suffocation...death!!!

cursed life?or not....

I hope this disease can go away far far away...

haha nong nong ago there is a nong way to hell...
raider!!chirps

2006-05-24T22:51:00.000+08:00

Hmmm met her and confessed!!...

the feeling is mutual... hahaha yeah...I just love the way she look at me.

Those Eyes of hers..Damn attractive lor... haha =P

Love yA dArling!

2006-05-21T23:54:00.000+08:00

Hmmm just came back frm a movie....Over The Hedge haha hilarious manz haha funny very a must watch haha

Hmm aren;t i suppose to work haha well work today wasn;t work at all...it seemed like a chill out place.... haha

well watched the movie with alicia...yar but some how or rather she mentioned about mich...well that was what hit me right on my head...

the past continues to haunt and yet well i did felt down for a moment but later...a voice ask me not to think of it...look straight ahead...yar the future lies a better life for me...I hope certainly....

nth interesting except the movie hehe....tml gonan catch X-men 3 ahha cool isn;t it....

Raider Flying outta here...I love u hehehe

2006-05-21T00:09:00.000+08:00

The warm bath I had moments ago marks the end of the day...

It just seems like seconds ago that i had a CDA presentation, consultation more i shall say, not very formal though...

And also my birthday ended just as the clock strikes 12 midnight...I am happy firstly i would like to thank my friends...those who had chipped in the gift which cost a bomb!!!

thks to the gang haha had a great time at SNOW CITY hahaha fun lar whossshhhhh

da vin ci code hahaa cool....
finest line btw god and mankind...

srrie guys abt the outing...had a great day neway haha cool

2006-05-16T18:59:00.000+08:00

wahah rush the whole night and in the end..haiz lesson cancel OMFG hAHa but nvm better den i can come up with better concepts...thks to ken and wilson haha cool manz...Now I am confident of my concepts..

Taking a break frm work and enjoying life. will continue wokring tml...hopefully...

Make up lesson on Saturday.. may 20 wahha tmd fall on my birthday... well it seems like friday's outing to Club is cancel...sorri guys...

Haiz wat a year of celebration for my bday.. but nvm I got new phone hahah =P Geesh...

Neway.. its life haha wonder how my 20th celebration gonna be like...I wonder****

520 my bday...in chinese it sounds like wu er ling...and sounds like i love you in chinese...haha cool...

=P love is so wonderful it chase my blues away... =P

Raider is Back...here Comes the Charm!!!hehehe

2006-05-13T11:40:00.000+08:00

She's always on my mind,
from the time I wake up,
till I close my eyes.
She's everywhere I go,
she's all I know.
And though she's so faraway,
it just keep getting stronger everyday.
And even now she's gone, I'm still holdin on.
So tell me where do I start coz it's breakin my heart,
don't wanna let her go

Chorus:
Maybe my love will come back someday,
only heaven knows.
And maybe our hearts will find a way,
only hevean knows.
And all I can do is hope and pray,
coz heaven knows

My friends keep telling me,
that if you really love her you gotta set her free.
And if she retun in kind,
I know she's mine.
So tell me where do I start coz it's breakin my heart,
don't wanna let her go

Bridge:
Why I live in despair,
coz why could we dreaming I know she's never there.
And all the time I act so brave,
I'm shaking inside.
Why does it hurt me so.....

2006-05-12T15:49:00.000+08:00

Felt sooo useless being unable to move on with life...she's moving pretty fine ...
Sometimes I wonder, doesn;t she have any feelings for the times we had tgt??...or maybe she's much more stronger than me...

I beleve she is well-taken care of by someone...Hmm thats what they often say, good things always got people snatch one...see if u dun cherish...!!!Orbee quack!!

Sophiscated?...ha...How am I gonna move on?...anyone could coach me on that?....I created a mess and I can't handle it....I looked and felt stupid...

To You:
Your Blessing w/o me I grant, for they Will bE my Eternal Sorrow...
Fallen back On e Trap I set, dug a hole which I regret.
moMents Of sorrow waIting for Me tO throw,
I can't Bear to, Not wanting to do.
memories bitter or sweet,
I'll keep in within my own Closet.
Awaiting For Me To saVour
Every Moment would be a new flavour.
there'S Nothing I could do Cos' you flew,
for The Only PersOn I would Love..It's You.

I'm hell gonna stay single....nothing could ever touch me again....
I need a change...cos my mind keeps flashing sweet memories btw us...How am I gonan get out of that pathetic state?...

Flirt is back on track....I need a change of mind....
When I am twenty, thats the turning point of my life I believe....

*JusT a NotE
For gals...not pretty dun talk to me
no money dun talk to me...
Not sexy dun talk to me...
If you are sexy, pretty, caring and have lots of money...I sell my life to u....

Mr Bachealor Rox>...<

So much for having girlfriends...Hey c'mon Have Flings...!!!

2006-05-05T23:09:00.000+08:00

Hmmmm.... today went out with tracy, kien tat and ken...what a weird combination there...

But it was fun lar...=P maybe ken shld join us often...recruit him into our click...

Strange...we went to taka, wisa cos our dear Miss tracy wanted to shop...But somehow in deep thoughts I was like...Please dun go Cineleisure cos I noe that she will be working there ..today is friday...

just as I was 'prayin' hard not to go there, ken suggested that he wanan go there to buy stuff....

I was like OMFG.... and just at that crucial moment....tracy asked.

'So you goin there to see your gf arh...?'...I felt curious and turned back...and i walked away....

I began to think....Did i really dun want to go Cine...deep down I was so eagerly wanting to go there, Just a glance of her I also "song"...

Wait a Min...Didn't we break up....am I still attached...

okay...We reached Cine...My first movement I turned and looked at the second floor where she is working...I tot I saw rina her colleage...But hey...it's her...She still look as good as normal...
I'm totally attracted to her..OMG...

Must we lose the something before we could treasure it like fuck?....
moving on like ken say...but I'm being tied down by the simple and happy 2 mths we had tgt...

how to move....wtf am I bloggin here...?...gain sympathy arh... Fucking wrong....

why?...COS LING BEI DAMN SONG!!!!!.....

2006-04-30T01:45:00.000+08:00

The fact of this world....

If you want somethign, you gotta use some other things which has the equavilent value to it and exchange...=P

I'd used a relationship which i cherish alot, inexchange for the knowledge of true and fucking true love....

What am I gonna exchange?...I used a betrayal of friends in exchange for a better grp...

What am I gonna exchange...?How I wish I could use my freedom to exchange for stardom....?

Are they of eual value?...perhaps no...

2006-04-27T09:44:00.000+08:00

Nth happen...just some fragments of the heart seem disfunctional...

Thinking is a on-going process how not to think abt it...carry on with life yeah I'm don't I look happy....

happy in the outside, bitter at the inside...cool

Now goin for projects...tel me abt it...

Drakness consumption is great than I thought

2006-04-21T19:41:00.000+08:00

Once the trust is broken, there would not be anymore right...Where are my friends...?...where are they when i need them...

Have I change?...Tell me...I guess THIS is the lousiest period of my year...I hope nothing is worst

2006-04-20T21:48:00.000+08:00

I was so excited to go out with her on next wed...but she can't make it...

Maybe she doesn't want to see me anymore...had the fate gone?...

"let's Be friends" easy to say, try working on it...

BOOO!!!my mind is wild now

2006-04-20T21:31:00.000+08:00

A girl whom I will miss terribly...regretful thoughts wonder off just like that...

though its over, she still live there and I will wait until the day when she is ready....

Try diggin up the past, see if there is anything which you wanted to do all these years

Do them...After ytd, I felt what i nv felt before...having seen the person you like huggin and kiss others

Jealousy spilled over me that night...remorse and upset...

I shldn't even talk abt this since just now I said that its over...

Its over at least for now...and all I could do is to wait....

2006-04-20T19:12:00.000+08:00

Quoted from her blog...

"To say, I'm utterly disappointed with you. This is not the way you should behave. You reminded me of the ugly pasts. I hate it. Why can't things just go the way it should be. Why would you want to change the destiny? Let it be..it's pointless. Think it through and you'll understand why I do this. It's not for me, it's for the both of us. Friends are forever, but r/s is not."

The Game Of r/s Is OVER!!!!
Friends are really forever?....I dun think so...Nothing is forever...Friends come and go...they is no such thing as friends forever

There is no forever friends, neither is there forever enemies...

2006-04-20T07:50:00.000+08:00

Woken Up... been realise that I have been so bastards towards friends and even to her...

Thks for thw wake up call at ard 5 plus in the morning....had a very long night ytd...everything doesn;t matter now Sky is back...

being alone though cold and lonely...I noe that what i had done cannot slavage the r/s so rather than looking back..I was told to look ahead...

Well it seems that It's very difcult to look ahead...my past will haunt me...

I felt useless and devasted I'm thinking of myself eventually..how selfish..Sky oh Sky...when will he ever wake up?...

talking all this I still had one thing in mind and i dun bother if u wanan say anything abt it...
I still feel for her...she can dun give a damn about me it's ok cos i hurt her but be it waht will happen in future...arhhhhhhhhhh

even my language sux...wats wrong with me

Just gimme a pistol and I'll finish the game for you...drama is goin end

Raider, darkness consumption is great!

2006-04-18T01:03:00.000+08:00

Hm...today is the first day of sch and yet it seem like eht end of the world...
grps and grps....I wonder why..upset?happy?...one man for himself now....am i right or wrong?

dun talk abt sch it sux...well let me blog about a more sucky thing...
My r/s...its totally in a mess...My mind is running wild...and yet I can't seem to forget her...I wonder if I really had love this time...

Just read her blog notice that there's another guy which I supose is goin aft her...
let fate decide....Fcuking NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!...

Stupidity had alrdy cause me to lose her and I'm still trying to get her back and God you just send a guy over here to spice up my life...No way!!!!take him back to where he belong...!!

why am I being so selfish???.....Why can't I be like the normal guy and stay with her...I balme myself for putting my pathetic me in such lousy situation...My feelings for her grew tremendously and yet It's all too late...

Things appear so nice and yummy until I decided to step over it....I regretted but it means nothing...I love her still

Its so contridicting to what I always advise people...Cherish the ones beside u...you nv noe by the time u lose them, you will miss them hell lot...

And tah da look at me guys...living example...shld I even be living?....thks SKY for screwing my life those that say this before...you were right....I shldn't exist...

I'm certainly not suffering from depression but its just the thing happening ard me they sux...I mean I sux...How can i feel good when lousy things happen..?Look at the bright side?...tell me where's the bright side..How come I can't find it...?

So much I miss her so that I hope that I could turn back time and did not wrote wat she read...
"so much of butterfly effect.." back to the future?...

I'm goin crazy...maybe I shld stop thinking about it as I dun see any chance of being tgt anymore...I need to be busy...guys keep me busy?...Friends can help...but how long can a friendship that only could withstand a small breeze last?...5 mins?....

Why am I bloggin about it her...Not on purpose to let her read...becos I noe she is...But becos' this is the solution to a cheerful me in reality....

Darkness consumption was greater than I thought ....
Evil-raider...(Am I so evil or did I just make you think that I was?...(think about it)
Missin' you cos I love you...no longer worthy I suppose...

2006-04-16T07:01:00.000+08:00

what shld i do...I stop the r/s but I dun want i regret and i tried to save it but nothing works...I still care for her...she's always on my mind but still there dun seem to be any chance....no second chance...?

I still carry the hope....I was in the wrong....My bad!,....after reading her blog I felt that did I really cause so much sorrow in her life....?

I still dunno wat i want?....today i went to club and none of the gals i dance with are as interesting as her.... None other than her....can make my heart beat dat fast...

why cant she just understand the meaning of being emotionally attach???hello anyone heard of this term?...I approach other gals but the feel isn't there

Anyone believe in emotionally attach?...I do....

I still care for her in fact love her....But there isn't a way to reverse the mistake dumbest step i had done...

I feel like a loser whining here...complaining...but this is the onli source where i could express myself...How much so I want to let her noe my thoughts...but it will hurt her?....will she be non-chalent about it?
doubtful....

Just notice that there is a pub near my hse hahanext time go try

AFTER

2006-03-28T10:53:00.000+08:00

after a nice chat ytd i felt that i am not needed by anyone in this world...friends having probs no time for her
inconsistency in work performance..blah blah...

I had enuff....I wanan break loose from everyone here....I'm back to my loner...be it period...all friends f- off

I'd arldy been consumed by the dark....
Evil Raider... Fuck!

What's this...!?

2006-03-27T02:12:00.000+08:00

confused! i am so confused....rather I dunnoe what shld I do...that stupid question keep going round in my mind....and i already had the answer in my mind just that I dun want to admit defeat....

It's like the more i drag it the more i can see her getting hurt....But the thing is that I dun want to let go...Am I not committed enuff...I am certainly not...

Maybe abit more concern, abit more care....I treasure the moments together... But it seem never lasting.... Feelings evolved throughtout these 1 mth and 27 days... I felt abit uncomfortable without her, I did want her to accompany me sometimes...but not all the time...

Maybe fated to be alone......just that i am forcing to change the destiny....

I dun see myself getting married....does the name Mr Bachaelor suit me?....well I am not rich

Today went to Cine to look for her...but she seem so sianz....I thought smth happened which cause her foul mood...I noe that she misses me and I can see that in her eyes...

Must we sms/call each other everynight?..everyday?...is there a need...?or perhaps I dunno love...what is love?what's ur definition of love?....same as me?...

why must it hapen this way...girl love more than boy....boy feel guilty try to love her more therefore resulting in an unbalanced love life...must we compare?...

Am I even ready?...or izzit I'm the only bastard to stir up their feeling and in the end break their heart...??

Raider goin loose!!!>_<

23/03/2006

2006-03-24T00:10:00.000+08:00

Hmm i finally got my results...they sux.....results sux like shit hmmmm GPA still maintain at 2.70 how...am I gonna make it to 3...?

Bs and Cs......I dun want Cs.....I too slack alrdy be it in work, sch, relationship, life...blah blah........
I shouldn;t be here......

Allow the darkness to consume me....Maybe I will be better....

20/03/2006

2006-03-21T01:17:00.000+08:00

Hm...someone told me just now...

Maybe you are not fit to bein a r/s....you;re too playful there is no feeling of wanting to settle down....

Do I really need a r/s?i dunno but i do envy those who have them....welll I gotta work hard...on it....

Someone understand me and say that I'm one kind of ppl where
whenever ppl say I am sumthin I will be that sumthin...
I will not try to prove it wrong but rather I prove it to be true...haiz...

Now i try to prove her wrong bahz.....

Time will tell...really?does time tell everything?....I dunno....

But I wanan be serious....

20/03/2006

2006-03-20T01:10:00.000+08:00

lousy day... I felt that i am such a fcuking big loser......

I suck at r/s everyne of them...current one too.....am I such a fcuking loser....@?

Yeah...i dun find myself commiting But i jsut dun wanan elt it go...I feel comfortable with her beside me...just that sometimes I dun msg her or even call her....

But its like what sms her?...have u eaten...slp well...?take care or love u?.....

Call her...what to talk about?.....ther isn;t any conversation btw us...

Why is the r/s which i ahve hope in turn out to be like this....

We hardly comunicate...no common topic....I treasure this r/s... But someone teach me what shld i do as a bf..??....

I dunno.....

Loser BF....*fated to be a loser...*

*ahhhhhhhhhhHHHh Fate...Now I believe in you....!!!What dream of star...!!????All just halucinations....fake*

May The DarknesS ConSume My Soul.....

My Soul Is Sold!

15/03/2006

2006-03-15T18:16:00.000+08:00

Haiz....i failed my bike lessons again!!!damn it why why why cant i stop properly....haiz...WTF

wasted $21 again!!!.....haiz next lesson will be on friday....Hope history dun repeat itself

Well channel U project is getting some good or rather normal start..yeah...soon one more stuff will be load of my mind....

I wanan make it....praying hard..

14/3/2006

2006-03-14T22:48:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... Tml my bike lesson at 12pm hope i dun fail the lesson damn it haiz

Today was boring...help at aunty's stall den came home nth to do....sianz

11/3/2006

2006-03-12T00:22:00.000+08:00

Hm...3rd march very saddening day for us as its been one year since that dude had left us.....

Well all we had left were lionel, kien tat, jun xiong and me...shawn tan...not that really close...kinda disaapointed that junxiong did not turn up cos he wanan spend time with his mum....

I really dunno what to say to him....well his mum is defintiely more important...but still....sense of disaapointment well up in me....

Talked to Kelvin tan..haha we talk about Mavis haha...dunno why would he suddenly mention about her....? Had lunch at lau pa siat....

Went town with robyn, michelle tan, lionel, kien tat, shawn tan, xin yi and me...walk walk and wait for ym dear dear tog et ready to meet us for movie...

Caught cry_wolf...erm not worth 9.50 but not bad lar 3/5 xin yi and her bf did not join us....well next time bahz...

Sometimes i just miss thouse times when our clas can go out together...Maybe a large class gathering next time....I really hope....

Dear came my hse and had dinner below my block....Spend a wonderful time with her...though I was playing gunbound...But It's always good to have her in my presence...i dunno why..

Love ?haha hope so....

been long time since i blogged .....went MOS was very fun...go again bahz....I dun really club for the drink but it a place where i can really have fun...no strings attach!!

It was a fruitful daydid not waste my one day off....i like to go out with class sec5A well...seems like I'm the only loser who want to make it happen...

Oh yar I'll be attending power boat lessons on 25-26 march..so cool... I love my friends and I love you too...
I love myself the most!!!sorrie about that...

Music Underground

2006-02-19T15:23:00.000+08:00

Hmm..went to Music Underground yesterday (MU) though it was a chao ah beng place but haha techno was great.....starting to prefer techno to RnB....

didn;t drink alot haha got to noe ying xiu's brother, andrew... cool guy haha we drank a lil bit of funny beer which taste horrible, I'd prefer King robert though haha

we went to danceand whoo girls there where hot...short skirts, standing on the bar top dancing with the pole whooo lots to see...

then ahha I witness a fight whoooo that was furious...2 groups dashing towards ech other wack and wack till the bouncers came to divide them and ask them calm down, chasing them out...What amaze me wasn;t the fight but was wat happen during the fight

when the 2 groups fight the whole crowd disperse thinking maybe they wanan give them more space to fight...haha after the 2 groups went out...the crowd came back in the dance floor dancing like as it nothing had happen.... whooo cool'

went home ard 3+ cos we were damn thirsty and i even have to resort to go toilet to drink tap water....but ti was fun, drinks were expensive...so andrew drove all of use home with his dad's lorry whooo cool

shit alr I miss my bike lliscense...again....=(

Raider disappointed with me

IndoChime

2006-02-17T15:59:00.000+08:00

last night was at IndoChime cleberating yingyi's bday..her 21st bday...hmm alot of people celebrating for her though...

Her bday celebration was divided into pre, present and post parties....
Had an emotional yet fun night....thought of him when open arms was sang....The last song I played for him to hear...before he depart...

Fun was getting to meet hwee ping and robert...such a miss that Minxuan can't make it...been a long time since i see her....I want to treasure all my friends...yeah i can;t satisfy both sides...

It's impossible....

Sometimes I wonder...probably my 21st bday would be a small one...My dream 21st bday celebration is to have a party inviting all my friends down to have fun ......

Secondary sch friends....outside friends...Poly friends....Working friends...Godpa God ma and my 2 very sweet god sis.....and him(but It cant come true for him)

hon wai ,ken and me were playing pool till late nigh 5 am...hhahaha i suck at it lar haha kanan trash....but it was fun though...how I wish these 2 friends stay with me all the way but I'll have to remember that :
"There is no forever friends, and there isn't any forever enemies.."

Friends come and go, most imptortantly is to grab hold of those who are important to you, at the right moment of your life.....But True friends will stay by yourside when u need them...

Why do we fall?...so we can learn to pick youself back up again...so as to see those true colours of "true friends" of yours...

Learning that I kinda have to meet up with her everyday...which i noe will affect my studies but..I can't seem to help it....AM paper is next firday and i am not doing anything about it...hohoho i need to study...

Bike license here I come...hon wai and me decided to take it....asap....

At least I had acheive sumthin...

Raider signing off...Maxout

Test!!

2006-02-13T01:48:00.000+08:00

You scored as Theater. You should be a Theater major! Like a bohemian actress, you are seasoned and confident and not afraid to express yourself!

Theater

92%

Art

83%

Sociology

83%

Linguistics

67%

Psychology

67%

Mathematics

67%

Philosophy

67%

Engineering

58%

Dance

50%

Chemistry

50%

Journalism

42%

Biology

42%

Anthropology

33%

English

25%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

Hmm what do you think

Feel....

2006-02-05T23:54:00.000+08:00

This is a very powerful word for me and lionel tock cheng wei.....

It;s always the "feel" whenever it comes to gambling....pretty bad luck for the starting 3 days of Chinese New Year.... but on the 4-5 day i was lucky won money recapitalised all my cash...

Whoohoooo.... The "Feel" helped me...

Sometimes its always like we have the feel for each other, just that words simply can;t explain clearly how much feel i have for you....

RIght betcha thinking OMG!!how did u noe that.... Cos' i am smart...

I caught Fearless and I Not Stupid Too during the new year...they were pretty good to watch flims.... 3/5 stars for fearless and 4/5 stars for I Not Stupid Too

fearless's fight scenes were great...it goes like the JEt Li style...to hit not to kill....

I Not Stupid Too...i saw myself in it ahha but cannot see face...sae hon wai's back view and whole profile of wilson hahahah

Warm touching flim that made her cried and me almost drop my tear hahaha...its almost...touching in the ways that it touches issues of communicating with family members...

The feel comes in again... I wonder if anyone could film a story out of the word feel....must be good right...

Raider signing off
bb

M.O.S.

2006-01-30T12:35:00.000+08:00

Chinese new year had not been so exciting if not for the trip to Minstry Of Sound...

Whooooo!!!drink and dance cool night....

I'm so so contented....

Saw a couple of my friends there, Chongbin Fabian & Ivan yeo

so so tired after the trip

Bored

2006-01-27T00:29:00.000+08:00

When it comes to the night, I am usually bored...nothing to do...

Wild thought keep running in and outta my head...Advise dun keep your mind blank for too long...

thoughts of where the hell is my Ms. right goin to appear...when can i earn my first $1 million

when can I dettach away frm my family and be independent....

I'm feeling cold, extremely cold...I felt as if I was at the peak of an ice berg..no one was there except my shadow,freezing flesh.........

I wasn;t like that past few days, maybe cos' i have finish watching my drama. nothing better to do now so I am spouting nosensical sutff......

People changed but why haven I...I'm still the same...people change for the better yet me vice-versa

I wish i had someone by my side...one whom i can share my thoughts with, one whom is willing to spend time alone with me just sitting side by side no verbal language shld take place... but body language would express ourselves....

Meaningless conversation just leads to nowhere in my heart...."Hi, how are you?" "I'm fine thank you." speechless till the next day

The whole routine starts again....

Friends...who are they....definition?...need no further explained as i had seen thru all of them....

I'm becoming more and more persimistic..... isn;t that good,.....

Achiever of nuthin, failure of all....

Better off no where( why am i so depress)
what do i need...close friend who can talk to me...make me feel at ease talking to them...someone who encourage me scold me for my good...(in a tactful way)....

till now, no one fits the bill....

Friends come and go, problems stay forever...

Loneliness can kill if you didnlt notice....It's killing me gently...

raider crawling towards the dark corner of the room, locking his heart till the key is found...

over

2006-01-23T23:15:00.000+08:00

Hmm..after 2 weeks of hard work on project... felt a great sense relieve

haha though i did not realyl contribute much to them except my hse...but its over le haha

Had A.M. presentation sux orh....

sick now lar damn sianz on the edge of CNY...where's my mahjong kaikee and poker too

morale Booster

2006-01-21T01:17:00.000+08:00

The Taurus lad is big, powerfully built and obstinate. While he may be extremely stubborn and want to have his way, it would do well to remember that 'his' way is probability the best 'way' of all! He can be very opinionated, but he can also be extremely patient, tolerant and dependable. He pursues his goals with perseverance and determination, and it shows up in his schoolwork. He does well at school, paving the way to a good career. He can often be self-indulgent, spending money on the good life. He works hard so that he can pay for his own indulgences. The Taurus lad knows the value of networking and always mixes with the right crowd. He is a plodder, and rarely gives in to frustrations. He enjoys outdoor activities like hiking and gardening; anything that gets him close to the earth. The Taurus boy is a neat, orderly person. All in all, he is the perfect son to have.

I feel retarded

2006-01-18T01:07:00.000+08:00

felt dumb ok talking online with u damn it

thks for making me feel retardeed loser.....
thks a million

Latest

2006-01-15T03:06:00.000+08:00

Hmm...well nes year's been quite a good year I can say....

I had just recieved the best staff of the december month....you guys mght think that wahha so cool... But to me it's not cool...

I am not awarded because I was the best....firstly, they just can't find anyone to give the award to...secondly why they give it to me...because I happily work for them for 2 years... and to me it was like... shouldn;t this be given to the best staff... I'm not the best...I am the longest working staff....and seriously coming to working I dun deserve that award....

I recieved it....though and gave the staff who worked today a treat.......

Neway...she just cut her hair of should i say reborn...people say she dun look suitable for me....but who cares... Some even say i have weird taste...well I admit that i ahve weird taste...

But I really like her... haha sorry couldn;t help but to blog about my BGR...those who dun wanan read erm..bear with it or ahha bye bye....

Hmm these few week from 2005 december to 2006 jan....I did not took a 3rd glance on other girls...cos i think i shld be loyal haha waht shit is that right

We're not even together haha I am crazy I think....Hm...we have certainly like back to normal...

oh ya die lar AM project in due and haha we have yet to do anything about it...

Trying to keep fit...so i should deal with the ciggs first... haha bad for health...*dun try, dun even think about trying* haha

i am pretty fine except that i have been sloggin like a dog. a bulldog ugly looking dog hahaha ....

went to M.O.S. and got drunk luckily not very wasted..But i noe some one was...cool clubbing next time haha think about it first....

Content Raider Signing off

2006 New year liaoz

2006-01-02T01:17:00.000+08:00

New hope with new goals:

New goals include

1) more money
2) study harder than before; resutls is the best proof
3) No smoking unless....
4) go down on drinking
5) new girlfriend ..I hope?that is if she will reply my sms-es
6) go gym and train up....fat alrdy no wonder nobody wants me boo hoo
7)club at least once a month
8) be more friendly
9) treat everyone seriously....Dun go and fool ard...
10) To complete all the above 9 goals....

My...

2006-01-01T02:55:00.000+08:00

My friends are too decent, parents too conservative....

I'm too wild, I'm too open.....felt like an outcast but no matter what I'll be what I want myself to be....For "It's My life!!!"

It's been one week after i got to re-know her again...but things aren't so called as working out...smses not replied, be it purposely or not,[guess it is...cause I've sent out alot...]

Memorise vivid up there, while the reality tells me not to dream anymore...

Life is not always about love...but I have yet to conquer the love part in my life

Everything i do is wrong u all out there are the only right ones...oh man...

when will u come back to me, my stamina is limited, my mind wants to carry on, but the body just can't act on the orders....

Just you wait...it says... neway....Happy new year...and people

new hope, goals and life...

*friends come and go in your life, doesn;t matter who came and left. What matter most is that you can grab the most important person at the most crucial point of your life...!*

raider signing off...*Machi*
My wish is To "Be With you"

Aviodance

2005-12-21T11:17:00.000+08:00

Avoidance avoidance that is what i get OMG....
If you could see this I wish u had given me a chance to redeem myself and stuff like that please I am willing to change for you as long as you agree to have me by your side...

Past few years I had been living like a dirt....I hope you would gimme a chance....

What

2005-12-13T23:12:00.000+08:00

What I have for you...
What i have for the world...
What he had and I don't
Just What is it...?

What i had and What did the world try to make me have?

Urges....

2005-12-12T23:32:00.000+08:00

there is a period of time where I had urges of something....

Seeing how others had their special someone by their side...
Where's my?...Its been 3 months since I am so bloody single-fied
Girls come in and out of my disorganised Life....
Clubbing is where i find myself enjoying...indulging into Drugs, smke and Alcohol....

I want to be like norm, having a loving girlfriend, have a real taste of what LOVE is about...
I look so much like a playboy but deep down in there,
that is not what i wanan portray myself to be,
I just want a norm life with abit of extraodinary factors....

Girl oh Girl....How do I get a chance to be near you....
Wanting to be part of your life....
Flings and Flings I don't want that....
Real love...I dunno how am I goin to get that....

then again do i want to get a gf becos i am lonely?...
feeling lonely and damn ignored by the friends i had and have....
Old and new friends....

Some guys really dunno how to appreciate their Girlfriends...
it really piss me off
damn you guys out there, at least u got a girlfriend like that beside you
And how u treat them? worst than a dog....
Have girlfriends really becoming doggified( bitches)

I want a girlfriend.....serious
In search for a Relationship where I Promise that I will
Not be like those who treat their gf badly...

Some say I look good at least got some "shuai" factor
not alot...But the more the say this to me
the more i felt that i am a loser....
If I am, why am i alone here....
And no girls wanan go out with me for a date?....

See how loser-fied I have become....
Even my acting it sux....

Now the thing that i tot that I am abit good am
haha shattered....
Looks like the last hope shattered...I am useless...

Wanna take about my lousy acting
http://www.canon.com.sg/dvfest/vote/bestfilm/film09.html
here take a good laugh at how loser I am.....no expression....No looks...
The more i see myself the more i hate the way I look

Loser Raider-----> see how i try to act cool....

need help

2005-12-06T18:41:00.000+08:00

Guys out there our grp's short flim has went into the finalsit for Cannon DV fest competition please vote for "parting Gift" thk you... here's the link

http://www.canon.com.sg/dvfest/vote/bestfilm/audience.htm

feelings...

2005-12-04T00:11:00.000+08:00

Overjoyed....happily thinking about it...

But is it yet another of my illusion or perhaps wishful thinking....

Done For...Doom

2005-11-26T01:52:00.000+08:00

I felt that i think I might have fallen for someone whom i shld not have....

and.....My friends around me will certainly laugh at me....

I didn't want it to happen also... All I ask for is simple....yet loving... regardless of gender, age and stuff....

But it always seems like I cant get it....

Neway comments that i keep posting about BGR here....My BGR probs...true lar but cant help it... You can't possibly ask me to tell that person straight right?....
I'll go mad...

I can't Love for god sake.....

Question: What am I good at?...

Answer: nothing...

raider signing off

hmmm. quotes and more quotes

2005-11-23T00:15:00.000+08:00

It doesn't matter whether I had lost you before.
Doesn't matter that I will lose you in the future.
What matter most is that right now this moment I had you...

Everything seems to be in place at the right time, right spot.
Is that fate?

its over again

2005-11-22T00:02:00.000+08:00

hmmm... I have been busy with fliming with hon wai wilson huey chien yingyi and serene

Hmm feeling good that it had all come... did some kinda last minute thingy
tried to burn to Dv tape but cant at last dunno what wilson do, whaha miracle siahz....

Hmm this project made me feel very useless... firstly i did not care about huey chien's feelings and place pressure when she was acting...

Sorry huey chien...Sorry no hard feelings hope to co-operate with you again...

haiz i cant act for nuts....all is so fake and stuff...I think I'm the one who made the flim a flop....

Haiz.. the team of trios... what am I?....wilson and hon wai both of them make a great team... but not inclusive of me.... I'm just a nobody...

I cant hold the camera due to shaky hands... can't act as i cant really deliever....the lines...

I cant do editing...no sense of art and stuff like that....I slpt the most and am guilty of it....

Think there might be no more production for me...Life has a twist for me yet again... frm a nobody to a talent and a talent back to a lonelisome nobody.....

seriously what am i good at?....i dunno

I am not saying this because I am in depression but because that i felt this way ....I did nothing.. editing was done by wilson and hon wai....sound also....all i did was to slp and whine whine

I must do some selfimprovement....but where should i start?....

raider signing off

its over

2005-11-14T22:02:00.000+08:00

its over...

some profile about me...

2005-11-10T23:00:00.000+08:00

Name: Ng Qingshun(Sky)--> no in IC
Gender: Male but can be female at times...character wise
Occupation: student and part timing

ABout me:

Hell lot about me...firstly i may look normal, but deep down inside i am a f-ing devil...
I hate being betray... I get jealous easily... if you wanan be my friends... its tough... cos i am sensitive to every li'l move that u make...

I am such bastard...shifting responsibility... hey i am not the person whom u percieve to be....
everything that i did was just fake...to show you all out that that i have that kind of personality that i want you to percieve...

i have lots of crushes.. alot of fail one i am a big flirt...everymove that i make is so that i can be closer to you.,....

all girl who i dumped should hate me to core like Jie Ying who still hates me till now...

I am proud of you... Because you are the first girl in my life that hated me cos u think that i played with your feelings... Yar i think i did...

PLease continue hating....me ultimate bastard...
I'm a good for nothing..right gabriel?... I think so too...dun u feel the same for me that i am such useless bastard... who goes around flirting....

I hate ppl to betray my trust yet i betrayed yours..Tracy... cool right... i think u should not talk to me and ignore me cos of what i did... pls continue...please hate me....

the gang...just dun talk to me dun show concern for me for i am not worth your effort and time...

Sorry that i did not did my part as a godson....not being able to spend time with you....I dun deserve to be one of your "son"

Kai i let you down...just like always...

raider Letting Go...

realised

2005-11-08T00:19:00.000+08:00

Realised that i am no longer needed in that group of my...yrs of r/s hmm sorry but i felt ignored and englected sometimes....

treating someone whom u guys noe shorter period of time than me...make me inferior...not being able to chat with u guys... realising that we aren;t that close neway...

ppl say that we are close... probably btw the grp w/o me... you guys yes close to one another...but me... I dun even noe anything about you guys....

maybe becos of my religion...guys... think i am no longer needed... well...seems like not being able to be the same religion as you guys makes me different from you guys...

guess our fate ends here... true same religion can't co-exist
you guys walk your way while i walk my way.. right... ha...we dun even think like each other...

raider signing off n leaving you all

If there is one thing

2005-11-07T15:13:00.000+08:00

hmm If there is one thing i want to do, that is to snatch u away from him....
If there is one thing i want to do, that is to protect you from further harm caused by him....

If there is one thing i want to do, that is to elope with you to another peaceful world...

If there is one thing i want to do, that is to be with u eternally...

however, in the end you still chose him outta me....

If there is one last thing i want to do, that is to wish for the best for both of you...

raider signing off...

Love's Thoughts...

2005-11-06T17:51:00.000+08:00

If you are the Sun, I'm willing to be the sunflower...
My world revolves around you...Supporting You always...

All this while i had always been amongst you and your group...
When I'm there, you would not feel my exsitence,
When I'm gone, you would not even feel that i am gone...

Always I've been grabbing onto one hope...hoping to be by your side when u need me...Its ok if you dun even notice me cos I'm happy if you are...

But right now, Im sorry things turn out ugly...I've become greedier...
I want your attention....I no longer want to be the small brother behind a big sister anymore

There is always a thought on my mind...If a girl likes me, I will willing accept her and flaunt her in front of you...
But i know that i wun cos the only one i like is you...

I hope that you are reading this...cos by the time you read this...I may no longer be by your side anymore...
I might be hiding amongst those pedestrains whom u zoom pass everyday...

raider signing off...

everything's changing...

2005-11-02T23:21:00.000+08:00

something happened btw the 3 of us...

haiz fated, ill-fated....

haiz doesn;t mean that we cant go out as friends like we do.... moreover it doesn;t involve me what have i done to suffer these shit frm u ??.... i was trying to console u as a friend...but was ignored like an asshole...

tot that we are friends... so i seen it...our friendship was so brittle that a girl could simply destroy it....

Now the only friend i had in class is no more but an accquiantance....just pure classmates...

Now poly life seem so lifeless...you were my closet friend in the class...
yet i felt as if i lost everything in poly...poly doesn;t seem to be fun anymore

P.S. I'm not in love with you or anything... but i really treated u as a friend...whom can like be a motivation for my coming to sch... Sch's gonna be boring w/o u and jokes...

I sounded like i had just gone through a break up
but no it's not...friendship pure friendship...

lastly I hope that everything will go back to normal...watching movies....studying together the 3 of us...

Demoralised Raider signing off

Day 1

2005-10-31T12:39:00.000+08:00

hmm starting of sch is alwyas so relxing...chilled?!hahaha

cool to be back from sch after 4 weeks of hardwork at Ke Kuo Wei...
Learnt alot from my shi fu...

Got people to help out the two stalls [C.K. Tangs and Plaza Singapura]
hectic lifestyle and there isn';t any break in between.... i know that i shld nto complain about it as I am eraning $$ but still haha i am no a robot even a robbot shld rest.. but nvm....its just lack of man power...

who on earth will want to work at $5/ hr... teens usually find the pay too little... Aunties usually complains that they don't want to work at such oily place...

haiz humans nowadays...real problemactic...

neway i just bought a new specs... burberry if i am not wrong, they say its branded...
*whaoaoooooo*
neway thks for alicia's FACE, i got a pretty decent discount.... haha thks alot manz...

now where am I? I'm actually at the library....waiting for next lseeons to start... whooo loking at the time i better be goin...gonna be late.. bye guys

raider signing off...

i felt it now...

2005-10-25T23:40:00.000+08:00

Felt it at last....don;t know why... hectic lifestyle.... i would like to drown myself with tons of work.. i don;t wish to get indulge in relationship....girlfriends....

I know that i am fated to be alone... what they told me about " the one will appear before you....dun fret...just wait..."

dun try to console me with such conny phrase....please i noe that i am ill-fated ....

everything... why am i so persimistic?i dunno myself.....

haiz... can i just [tan yi ge hong hong lei lei de ai qing mah?]

true relationship....

Love doesn;t involve gender, financial, status....not even race/ nationality...

all that it involves is "feelings"

emotionally empty, i felt that...people giving you hope and it turn out to be a false one...

fallin frm a high building...roller-coaster you can call it...ups and downs inlife...guess i am having my downs....long one den....how long must i suffer these days of tourture...

really love.. happiness...everyone's so hyprocritically good to me...why what can they gain from me....$$ i not rich...looks....i have no looks.....den sex? that i cant even tell how ??

emotionally emptiness raider signing off...

yet another day....

2005-10-21T08:46:00.000+08:00

hmm yet i have survived another day....well i have survived MANY days.... amazingly....

haiz life's tough when u dun see the light/ path ......sometimes in life u just need a dim of any light to feel relax and lie back to enjoy the rest.....

neway how tough can your life be?....worying about short of cash.... not beign able to fulfill your own dreams...? Not being able to meet a girl who will like u forever, vice versa? or maybe worrying that what should i do next, now that i had done what i always wanted to do?

What's afterlife? reincarnation or goin up to the heaven? or maybe after everyone dies... the person will go back in time to enjoy the sweetest moments of his/her life?...in that case isn't it great?

how i wish time can be turned around...

with time turned back i could undo lots of regretful actions or words i had said or do...

well i guess that is not possible right... goin back in time haha too much of my date with vampire 3 hahaha

hmm life...life life... loving someone whom u cant love... pain pain it really hurts when u know the truth....

raider signing off

New Job

2005-10-17T23:58:00.000+08:00

Geehs sus tell all of ya i am now part-time

Gigolo.......any ladies want my accomapny? just gotta pay and u got it...

interested pls tag me hehhee

so desperate raider signing off hahahahhaa mauhahha

i want more

2005-10-15T10:08:00.000+08:00

I want more of time ..I want more of love...I want more of money...I want more of every lil thing which make me happy....

the chalet ws over and i had a great fun yeah hope that the feeling is mutual for my class.... bet u do...!!!

twister...vodka... "Beer can never do this to me, Vodka will".... hahahaha cool

nice quote....

raider signing off...

LifE ChAngEs TodAy(YesTerDaY)

2005-10-09T01:06:00.000+08:00

hmm ytd went clubbing with hon wai ying yi serene hweeping, den met jereme, neo, shawn, tracy at china black.....

had fun and stuff... hah so fun....

the terrible part started after hon wai grp left.....

geesH11!!!! I am beginning to hate myself...for that thing which happen...why did i do such stupidity acts. upon myself...

haiz...Am I always in selF DeniAl mood all the Time?....have i? Hvae I lost contrl over my soul selling it to the devil....

Guys...My friends..comarades....i felt the change goin on me.....ever since that incident happen ytd....

must be guessing what happen to me what have i done??...well outta of the grp only one of them noes....

Raider Signing off....

last paper

2005-10-01T02:11:00.000+08:00

yoo hoo this marks the end of one sememster...hahah mmr was tough ahha cant pass... i thikn i am like gonna score 10/100 hahaha die liaoz.....

haha now working starts...lots of work to do...more power comes greater responsibility its true...

why do we fall? so that we can learn how to picked up ourselves again...

i have fallen picking up myself have you??? even if u have are you picking yourself up the right way...

what is the right way??whatever that maybe right to you, might be wrong to others... lol

too profound to understand...lol i guess so... who will understand even so...

bleach....

crazy raider signing off...

One More Paper

2005-09-29T17:50:00.000+08:00

yozzzz... from 4 papers down to left 1 that is Mass Medai Research...cool huh...after exams me gonna work work work till death sloggers union hahaha

haiz...mmr seem difficult for me....

tml marks the end of this semester.... =P

Muggin raider signing off...

14 hrs later...

2005-09-27T00:44:00.000+08:00

14 hrs later i will be facing the Consumer Behaviour exams paper hahah hohohoho die lar....

hmm i have been ignored... smsed her there is no sign of her living in this world... i might tot that she had been kipnapped.... but i read her blog realising that hey she is alive neway

haiz why am i so affected by her not replying me...am i really i love with her or izzit just my thoughts that i am decieveing myself that i love her...like...i cant do that

haiz...been along time...i gotta work on my exams while she muggin over prelims...

i am lonely.....starting to look for my prey i dunno ....just me...i have been trying to trap this demon within me...but it just found its way outta me....

hurry run away before i turn demonic... feel that i am changing

Changing raider signing off.....

damn

2005-09-25T14:14:00.000+08:00

srrie guys due to
unforseen circumstances
the tag board i changed into turn out to
be at some weird postition arhhhh paisse......
haiz sux at bloggin stuff and design

end Day

2005-09-23T17:20:00.000+08:00

hmm today marks the end of my legal system and contract exams.... hahaha

got back my results ,CA, hmm i only got like 34.4/50 to get a B i need like 36/50 for my exam...

and my exams were like crap so diff or rather i nv study hard enuff....cool....

...broke

pokalulu liaoz....

poor raider*no one loves* signing off....

live with in no choice

2005-09-21T18:17:00.000+08:00

haiz
after that previous post i have recieve comments asking how am i ....i no need you guys to ask me how i am ...if u all noe me well i dun nid ppl to ask if i am ok...i blog not to gain sympathy but to vent my frustration thats all ok.... neway thks for u all
thaks that u guys care abt mt..at least... well

i have though it clear gotta live with it no choice haiz... i went over to god ma place ytd to stay over and she ask me to saty as long as i can...how i wish...budden its not right...i got my own home....

moreover i am not their real son i will feel weird that i stay with them....how i wish i was born there...life would be so tragedic....for me at least...

geesh.... life life what is life...living a good life or a simple life...
I rather lead a simple life...

i was happy that she replied me back and manage to contact me back...
too bad its just that i dun get appreciated at times... well
fine let ppl take granted of me...et them... i was born in this world to be bully....to be taken for granted...to let ppl stone and to scold me...
even my dad scold me for no reason....asking him why he scold me

he replied why cannot arh...wahah si bei fucked up lor.... i came to this world not to let u scold for no reason...
u gotta have a reason even if u wanan scold a dog...
I am soo soo worst than a dog....ask him might as well get a dog lar why bring me here to suffer frm both externally and internally....

No one appreciates me whether is it outside family or inside family...
If one day i just keep quiet, ppl wun even notice ...if i die one day suddenly they wun even bother searching for me, they will even forget the existence of a person such as me....

How Lovely..

Raider signing off....(Did I made an impact on your life?)

I hate him

2005-09-19T23:40:00.000+08:00

Mr Ricky Ng Eng Chuan... I HATE YOU TO CORE !!!!I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!

if u guys wondering who that was it is my stupid pathetic, fucking useless father who doesn;t bring $$ back to home rely on my mum so what if i am his son he is my father that doesn't give him the rights to scold me any time he want for no reason...its ok that he dun bring $$ home to help the family expenses....butat least give all of us some respect...

I HOPE HE DIE AND I DUN WNAT HIM AS MY FATHER I DUN HAVE FATHER FATHER IS USELESS.....IDOITCTLY HAVING A FUCKING STUPID AFFAIR OUTSIDE AND THUS CAUSING HIS CHILDREN TO STARVE TO DEATH WHAT MUST I DO???SOMEONE PLEASE KILL HIM OR CURSE HIM LET HIM DIE DIE DIE BURN IN HELL

I KNOW THAT I WILL ALSO GO HELL B SAYING THIS: ITS NOT RIGHT TO CURSE UR FATHER U WILL BE STRUKC BY LIGHTNING...C'MON HE DON;T DESERVE ANY SYMPATHY. STONE HIM BURN HIM DROWN HIM LET HIM REPENT OVER WHAT HE HATH DONE.....EVIL REPAY EVILLL....... I HATE HIM!!!KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILLLLL KILL KILL

BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN

I REALLY MEAN IT I HATE HIM

My Complaints....

2005-09-19T23:07:00.000+08:00

fucking hell siahz......why must it happen again.... I need $$$ lots of $$ how am i gonna survive?

I have only left $4 for the rest of 2 weeks till holidays where i will start working again....

my father sux...he doesn;t bring $$ home i dunno for hwat reasons...he keep saying that he cant earn any money but i think he bullshitting....

like many taxi drivers they also have family bills and stuff but they still can survive...how miracle right....miracle can happen....

wth lar all i ask for is a family of no worries over $$ i am starving...i dun even have $$ to travel my whole asset only left with pathetic $4...

I need money.....anyone who can provide for me at this time....i will definitely follow u....even if u are a gay....i dun mind...

anyone who can provide for me i am willing to do anything for that person.....

tml is my O.M. exams...omg haven got the kick of it...how kill me someone...

Poor low self-esteem signing off

suden break out

2005-09-17T11:39:00.000+08:00

finally projects are all over assignmetns all handed in cool been straining my eyes over the past 2 weeks working on the computer...geesh!!...

now must mug over exams after exams working life shall start...how am i excited over my working life...looking forward towards it...

Mayday still rox....

ytd suddenly recieve a call from her... she asked me not to call her or sms her anymore i was shocked...she says her mum confiscated her phone... omg den how am i gonna live without caling her...hse number private... its like she suddenly disappear in my life....

how can it be...is this real...i'm more worried about her..how is she what actaully happened that she had to whisper over the phone to ask me not to call or sms her....

outta sudden i feel so lonely..do i wanan be alone with only friends

friends girl friends soul mate...

i am so bloody broke also...living off my magi mee til it deplenish omg!!!

raider signing off

career or family

2005-09-15T10:37:00.000+08:00

hmm had a lil chat haha fidning out who is true friends..who is not...friends who will sit down and listento u even when u dun make any sense to them....friends who shut you up when they hear weird things...cool right...just a simple question and i noe so much things.... am i really that weird?

people usually say that they feel that i will get marry at young age..why shotgun marraige....do i look like one...i think i do....sharks well what's gonna happen will happen no point avoiding it....

I sux at bgr...Its her bday today...and i haven got her anything.....only wish her happy bday and i was the eighth one...OMG...BGR BGR what on earth is that thing..am i suppose to touch it...so what if i noe that she is the one for me..doees it mean that i have to take her now...even if i take her now...can we stay happy...can i give her happiness...?

what is happiness to me doesn;t mean happiness to her though.....how to compromise....long term relationship...how to mantain...what am i thinking.... i should be thinking of studying...but i'm so addicted to her that i cant stand one day without listening to her voice...it is so bad...??

yar it is ,.....

raider signing off....*thinking alot*

idiotic day

2005-09-13T03:09:00.000+08:00

hmm she called over in tear,
I was shocked by it with fear.
I ask her why,
Its always nv about me.

It 's him you mean,
thats why u shldn't have seen.
Comfort i cant do
for i am such a fool.

Weak and less fortunate,
I'm here yet he's the one u ever needed.
decoded my words
for it speaks my world.

what i meant was what i said
wiling to be your forever maid.

I'm hurt by you words
as they hurt me like magic swords.
Arhh i dun feel like being so poetic and why am i doing this...

I finding trouble myself lor......I want you...I noe you are reading....I want u to be happy...i wnaan take u away frm that pathetic lil' place of yours.... wtf ......come with me for i beg and promsie you ...giving u whatever i could give to u...

raider signing off wtf manz

Dreams?!

2005-09-12T01:18:00.000+08:00

well i confessed my thoughts and sutff hmm didn;t even notice didn;t even know why i did that cool yeah!!...

Exams aroudn the corner...i Did feature writing today only half done...doing the other half tml well yar will try to study as soon as i am done with my work...

Are there really people whom i can trust?or probably they're so fake and try to con me into trusting them with my thoughts and stuff...

everyone make use of everything in this world...see!!hit on the nail!!!i'm right...making use of everyone, this world had become a world full of greed....not being able to be self-contented...always seeking things one after another...

But thats how human being think and it's rooted since the start...adam and eve...very start...Friends....

lets talk about how selfish we are doing things for the sake of ourselves... like people donate to help others...no strings attach...
dun bluff me lar....u donate to prove to others that "hey look i'm a kind person...Everyone look here I donated so much $$ to them...Please praise me.."

you may say but we dun want any fame so we put as annoynumus....haha crap the more secertive you are the more people wanan expose u ....the more the people expose you....the impact will be greater than allowing people to noe that u did donate in the first place...

"wahaha so wei da....donate yet remain secertive...bet this guy really donate out of his heart..!!" haha its not how this game is played...he must be thinking wahah yes...people will notice me as the person who work silently haha cool yeah....

*Everything happen for a reason...Just like I Love You...*

Raider = Signing off

Evolution

2005-09-07T00:25:00.000+08:00

hey blog i am vex...having no idea where am i heading to?where on earth am i doing in my life indulging into something/someone whom i should not....

I felt something growing within me... Is this a drama created by myself so taht i can act it out and to satisfy myself...stisfying my wants to act...no chance to perform my acting skill in front of camera...so i just have to perform in my small lil' world...

Or izzit that i am turning crazy for real...pressure from stuff and goin through treatments that i don;t deserve...
I'm feeling a change mentally and physically...is this evolution i guess...turning into something which i had never been before...a new me or a real me...she called...

raider sgining off...flying-?